


It's Pretend

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cutting, M/M, Relationship Problems, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 04:08:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5402438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk, what’s going on?” he says, and his voice is tinged with sharp panic which in the back of your mind you wonder what for “How did you get-....” his voice trails off and you swallow thickly, anticipating a burst of anger from him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Pretend

“I’m sick of being useless!”  
All of this is in Dirk’s POV 

He’s staring at you with those bright green eyes from behind his glasses and it rushes you back to reality abruptly. You stare back at him, instantly regretting the fact that you threw your shades against the wall and broke them. Again. You turn and get head rush and hiss through your teeth, the red of your blood contrasting sharply off of your white sink.

“Dirk, what’s going on?” he says, and his voice is tinged with sharp panic which in the back of your mind you wonder what for “How did you get-....” his voice trails off and you swallow thickly, anticipating a burst of anger from him. 

It doesn’t come though and you glance back up at him though your vision is a little fuzzy and you feel like you’re floating out of your body “I don’t want you seeing me like this, Jake. Please just...” you trail off, unsure of what you’re asking for. Your arms sting, and your tangerine eyes lower again, half in shame.  
“Just WHAT, Dirk?! You’re fucking bleeding down my bathroom sink and I’m supposed to just accept that?!” his voice rises as he speaks, panic tinging the words. You blink a couple times before his words process 

“I’m sick of it,” you murmur, barely audible even the the quiet house. 

He makes an indignant noise “Dirk, stop. I hate it when you get like this,” he says, and you let out a breathless laugh, void of humor.  
“I know that, Jake. Who do you take me for, an idiot?” your voice cracks a little but if he notices he doesn’t react apart from the annoyance on his face.  
It’s plausible that he does think you’re an idiot. Hell, even you think you’re an idiot. “Dirk, why are you getting like this again, I thought this dramatic shit was over!” he practically yells and your shoulders curl forwards and barely managing to croak out “I’m sorry.”

There’s something warm running down your cheeks and you reach up to wipe it away after realizing it’s your tears. He’s angry and tired and utterly exhausted with your bullshit and you both know that but you don’t say anything else until he breaks the silence. The silence presses down on your ears and you shoot a glance at the razor in the sink then close your eyes and wait for him to speak. 

“...Why are you doing this? What am I doing wrong, Dirk?!” he asks, and shit. Shit shit shit shit he’s crying, you fucked up.  
“Jake I didn’t...It’s not….” you pause and dig your nails into your palm to ground yourself “I’m sick of being useless!” you say, and don’t look at him. You don’t want him to cry over this. It’s your fault, if you were more careful he wouldn’t know and everything would’ve went fine.  
There’s a little whimper then then he speaks in the flat tone of voice that’s even worse than when he’s screaming at you “Dirk, I can’t handle this right now I’m sorry I just-” he breaks off with a choked sob.

You swallow thickly “Jake, I’m scared.”

He shakes but he pulls you into his arms and you know you’re shaking too, tears streaking your freckled cheeks “...You aren’t useless,” he murmurs against your shoulder and you know he’s saying it to make you feel better but fuck you nearly believe him. You get blood in his hair and your arms sting when you hold onto him and you both know this won’t last.

You know he doesn’t love you, not really. But that’s okay, you can pretend.


End file.
